Deep Thoughts by Marwa Bollack

*Do you ever notice that the more you have going on in a day, the more you just want to crawl into bed and sleep? The days that I have nothing to do of importance I seem to be bouncing off the walls with energy.

*Dieting SUCKS. But it is good to be preoccupied with thoughts of food and what I am putting in my mouth. That way I don't think about the stuff I don't want to think about (but probably should)

*The people you work for are never as smart as you are.

*I really should be studying now. I have no desire to learn about skin diseases.

*Life is really better at the beach!

*I still hate potty training!

*Now that Jasmine is in the terrible twos I have hope that I won't be pulling my hair out for much longer.

*Drinking water (and just water) all day long...blows.

*If you don't have a Wii, go out and get one immediately!
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Totally not a deep thought, so much as a funny story I forgot to tell... So, we were at the beach, and Todd made sandwiches for us to eat on the beach. They were good too! I was sitting on our blanket thing, and I was talking to Jasmine, and I felt something brush against my face, which I thought was the umbrella falling on me.

Turns out it was a seagull who flew and took the sandwich right out of my hand! Can you believe it!?!

Only me..I swear!

Our Trip to Wildwood!

Its been a Week..I am a horrible blogger...

...But deal okay! There has been a lot going on.

I finally got fed up with my body...I was done crying while getting dressed..I decided to make a change...

**Cue Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror..."Gonna make a change, for once in my life..."**

Anyway..I digress....

So, I am on a diet and exercise kick and it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. I found this fab-o website called http://www.sparkpeople.com/ and its totally free. You put in what you are and what you want to be, and they tell you how many calories to eat and how much to exercise. They also have a meal plan if you want it, but I think that just logging what I am eating is fine with me.

I have been doing a lot of exercising too. We bought a Wii Fit and I do it every day. Its really fun...(the only bad thing about it is when they weigh you in in the beginning, if your BMI is in the overweight category like mine is, they balloon your Mii up so you are rotund. Its pretty bad. I wonder what it would look like if you are obese!)

We have also been taking lots of walks. Walking pushing a double stroller is really hard, especially up hill. Yesterday I walked 2.7 miles and today I only walked 1.2 miles, but it was to and from the park, where I ran around with the kiddos. I still have to do my Wii today, but I have a quiz to study for...

School is also making me super busy. Its getting harder. But I am not worried.

On Monday I went to see my high school calculus teacher, Mr. Sabella, at my old high school. I was thinking of him for some reason while driving to Walmart and I called to see if we could come by for a visit. It was good talking to him. I always tease him because in the beginning of my senior year, he hated me. Seriously, he did not like me at all. I sat behind this guy named Min Oh, and Min would turn around and ask me questions in class, and I would answer him, and Mr. Sabella would yell at me. He thought I was initiating the conversation. Well, on the first test, I got a perfect score, a 102. Since then, he thought I was okay. He even tried to convince me to dump my then boyfriend and marry Pat Hu, another boy in my class who got a perfect score on the first test as well. He said that we would have math genius babies! haha...

Anyway, Mr. Sabella also saw through my poor self esteem and found ways to encourage me without all the bs that comes with dealing with a person with poor self esteem. Does that make sense? If it doesn't I am sorry, I don't know another way of saying it. He was always reminding me of my potential and my skills. But he also wasn't afraid to remind me of my weaknesses too. I think that is a very important quality to have, especially for a teacher.

anyway, the girls played with his dry easer markers, until Jasmine drew on the chalk board and wall with them. Then we were out. It was good seeing him though.

Next week we go to the beach and I can't wait! The girls and the beach! Yay! I promise to put up all the pictures we take!

Sorry this was more than a diary post than a blog post. I had a bunch of things to talk about it seems...

Ceramic Monday

So, Today I took the girls to Summit to paint ceramics. We had a good time. They both painted a star picture frame. Here are some pictures!

We went to Summit, as I said. Man, I hate that town. I mean, I know its a rich town, but come on, the people who WORK there are snobs!

Oh well, the kids had fun, which is all that matters. Sorry the pictures are blurry..I took them with my camera phone.

What do you do when you are in the middle of heatwave?

Well, you stay indoors, let the kids watch whatever they want on TV and write two blog posts!

And you also make a video montage of all the pictures you love, set to an amazing song.

The pictures don't go in any particular order, except for the first few and last few. Isn't it amazing how much they have grown up?




I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think! I was just playing around with a new program I downloaded.

Why I love having two girls...

Here is my top 10 list of why I love having girls!

10. They like the Disney princesses as much as I do!

9. I will never have to encounter frogs, bugs, creepy-crawlies being brought into the house.

8. I love buying girls' clothes!!

7. I love doing up girls' hair!

6. We can have spa days when they are older!

5. We have spa days now, and both of them think I am the greatest person in the world for painting their fingernails baby pink!

4. Someday, hopefully, I will be able to go with them to the bridal boutique and help them pick out their perfect wedding dress! I will be proudest mother of the bride, and I will tell them, as my mother told me, that they are the most beautiful bride that ever was!

3. I really can't wait, (even though Todd would rather it never happen) to sit around, eating ice cream, and talk about boys. I was never really open about that stuff with my parents, due to cultural differences, and I really want to have an open relationship like that. I don't need or want to know EVERYTHING, but I would like them to trust me enough to come to me when they have problems or questions

2. Girls are better huggers than boys. =)

And the number one reason I love having two girls...
1. Have you ever heard a little girl giggle? It is the most amazing sound in the world!

Coming soon...things I am NOT looking foward to in the future...two teenage girls..OY!

True Friends

Did you ever take a step back and evaluate your friends? Like, do you ever think, "Am I friends with this person because I truly like them, or are we friends of convenience?

When looking at the people in my life, I THOUGHT I could count about 4 true friends, people I would tell anything to. But, during my time of self evaluation, I come to realize that only 3 of those people are really truly friends. Don't get me wrong, the other person is a very nice person. I have a good time with them when we hang out. But, it seems like it is a friendship of convenience. Meaning, we are great true friends when it is convenient for her.

She is never mean...but I seem to become important to her when she needs something from me. Or she is having a really shitty day and needs someone to talk to.

It makes me kind of sad. But at the same time...I am kind of glad I came to the realization now, rather than a couple of years down the road.

When you are younger, you think its the quantity of your friends that makes you feel good. If you have more, that means you are a better person. However, as I am getting older, I see its the quality my friends that matters. As long as I have a few that treats me well, and is my friend with no strings attached or without any conditions, then I am a blessed person.

So I suppose no one would really blog about this...

...but I will.

So today, Jasmine got up from her nap, and she plays this game where she lays in her bed and smiles at you, acting like she doesn't want to get up.

So, you play the game back..."Jazzy, come on..up up! Wake up!"

Today we were playing this game, and I got an itch on my belly. So, I lifted my shirt up to scratch it, and Jasmine got up all excited!

"BABY!"
"What are you talking about?"
Now, pointing to my stomach "BABY IN MOMMY BELLY!"

Sigh...I guess its a good thing I bought that Wii Fit. =(

Potty Training Sucks.

So, I started to potty train Jasmine. Not really because I wanted to, but because she wanted to. I guess she wants to be like big sister, and she has been telling us when she wants to go to the potty for a while, so I gave in.

I made the chart, got all into it..and then suddenly didn't have the energy.

Potty training is about training the kid to go to the bathroom on the toilet, but it is also about training the parents to put the kid on the toilet, at least in the beginning.

I feel kinda bad about it. I think I am sabotaging the whole thing. I really don't want her to grow up so fast. The darn kid is already speaking in sentences, and she is my last baby, so I want to hold on to her babyness for just a while longer.

How selfish is that?!? I know I am nuts, and I know that she is completely ready. I will just bite my lip, push away the tears and do what is right.

The way this child raising is going, it seems like tomorrow I will be blogging about moving her into her freshman dorm. :-(

The Merry Go Round

It was beautiful out today, so I decided we were going to go to the park. However, I am sick of the park right by us, so I was going to venture over to Denville to go into one of their parks. But crazy me for some reason got off the wrong exit on 80, and had to go the long way, on 46, and much to my surprise, I ran into a completely new park! It was really nice and the girls really liked it. The best part, we were the ONLY people there! Joy!!

So, anyway, this place had a merry go round. Now, I couldn't remember the name of such thing because I haven't seen one since I was a kid. I remember it could get really dangerous when someone spinning it was a butt, so, I don't have very fond memories of it.

The girls however LOVED this thing! They sat in the middle, held on and let me push. They kept asking for it to go faster, and I finally had to tell them to get off the thing because I felt like they were going to throw up if I let them sit on it any longer.

Ever want to see what a toddler looks like drunk? Let them go on a merry go round and make them walk around after. I felt so bad for laughing, but watching them walk away from the thing was hysterical! they thought it was pretty funny too!

It was a good day today. :-)

Lets talk a little about favorites

Okay, so lets get totally honest here...and let no one have hard feelings.

Is it ok for a parent to have a "favorite" child? In my eyes, no that is not ok...

Is it ok for a parent to have different relationships with their children? Absolutely! How can you not? Every person has a distinct personality to them. The same is with children. I don't interact with everyone in the world the same way, so how could I do the same with my kids?

Does that mean that I love one more than the other? Absolutely not! But each of my children have things to them that make them THEM. I think any parent that says that they treat their children 100% the same is lying to you.

Take for example, my girls. And I can't stress enough...I love my children with all my heart and soul. They are the most important things in my life, and if I needed to put my life on the line to save one of them, I would do it in a heart beat. If you know my husband and I, you know we are very different people. Each of us has a very different personality. The same is true with Sarah and Jasmine.

Sarah takes on more of Todd's personality. She is the most beautiful little girl I have ever met! She is really hyper, active, and a really funny girl. She isn't afraid to make funny faces or act silly, she is super smart, and sensitive. She also likes to push everyone's buttons. She wants to see how far she can go until you snap. And it seems like she gets quite a kick out of it when she does push you over the line. But although she has a spitfire side to her, she really is a caring loving girl. She loves to play mommy and take care of her babies and her little sister. She seems to constantly need gratification when she does something fantastic, and she gets very proud when she gets praised.

Jasmines takes on more of my personality. She is a quiet girl (and yes for you smart asses out there, I am a quiet person myself!) When she gets involved with something, it takes all of her attention. She loves to cuddle and hug and is very loving and understanding if someone is hurting or sad. She has a smile that could light up a room, and I know once she loses her baby chub she will be neck in neck with her sister in the looks department. Jasmine is also the most stubborn person I have ever met in my life! She is a HUGE drama queen too. The littlest thing sets her off on a blood curdling scream. I swear sometimes the neighbors must think I am killing her, when in actuality, I just turned off the TV so she would answer my question. Jasmine, too, is very smart, but she sometimes eludes me. I feel at times her sister outshines her, so the little milestones I made such a big deal about with Sarah, are taken for granted with her.

So, that being said. Two different personalities, two beautiful daughters. Honestly now. I love them to death, but I would rather snuggle and watch TV with Jasmine because she will actually snuggle back. But if I had to chose who I would run an obsticle course with, it will totally be Sarah because I think I would have more fun with her. I would take Sarah to the nail salon with me to get a mani/pedi, but I would rather go to the movies with Jasmine because I know she will sit there and watch it, instead of squirming in her seat and running around the theater.

Does that make me a bad parent? No. I am an honest parent, or should I say, a more realistic one. Sometimes I feel guilty, like I am cheating the kids out of something. I don't know. Its just impossible to be 100% fair! If I show them both the same love, all my heart and soul, is it okay that I treat them as if they were two different friends?

Mommies and Daddies out there...do you find the same thing? Is your relationship with your kids different? Do you feel guilty about it sometimes?

Memorial Day Weekend...

So far this Memorial Day weekend has been pretty good! I got to sleep in two days in a row, and the girls have gone to the park and had ice cream for dessert two days in a row also. Once again you would think they would be happy...

...no.

I am totally flabbergasted how much whining comes out of my kids mouths on a daily basis. I know, I know...you are thinking "um...Marwa you already wrote about this before." Yeah I know I did, but just deal with it for a second! Its unreal! Nothing, and I mean NOTHING is ever good enough for these children. They find a way to complain about EVERYTHING.

Now, mind you, I was not a perfect angel in my younger years either. I was, and quite honestly, still am a big complainer. However, if they complain about everything when they are toddlers, what the hell are they going to be like when they are teenagers.

GOOD GOD! I think I will need to be committed during the teen years...Or maybe I will just be so immune to the whining that I won't even notice it anymore by then.

Tomorrow we are planning on taking them to the parade they have in town. I am pretty sure there will be a ton complaining then too. But hopefully the marching bands and firetrucks will drown it out. ;-)

Family

**I just want to start off by apologizing for not posting every day like I said I would. You know how life hits you...so...yeah..lets start the show**

So yesterday I had an appointment with the good 'ol gyno, always a treat, especially with two kids in tow. I totally bribed them with chocolate munchkins from Dunkin Donuts. Its so sad. I said I wouldn't be that mom, but I totally am. On the way there I was telling Sarah that this doctor was my doctor when she was in my belly. She was very impressed. Then I said that he was also my doctor when Jasmine was in my belly, and he was even Nana(my mom)'s doctor when Uncle Mazin was in HER belly.

So, the exam. Yeah, Sarah was very upset. She didn't get what this strange guy was doing to her mom's stuff. But she had munckins so it didn't really effect her that much. When the doctor was talking to me after the exam, she started acting up. Jasmine too. I got flustered and annoyed, so the doctor told them it was very important to listen to mommy. Then he left and I got dressed.

So, we were leaving the doctor and Sarah said "I be good now mommy, doctor said" So great child! I tell you to be good every 15 minutes, but if the doctor tells you to you do it right away!?! Hell, I should have put a call into the doctor a year ago!

Okay, I totally babbled this whole time. The purpose of me telling you this is the conversation that followed afterward on the way home. She was recapping our events, as she always does. And, was mentioning that she was in my mommy's belly where she grew and ate and slept until she came out. Jasmine too. Then she told me that Uncle Mazin came out of my belly. I told her, no, Uncle Mazin's mommy is Nana. He came out of HER belly.

This got her all flustered and confused.
"No, Uncle Mazin Nana Brother."
"No Sarah, Uncle Mazin is Nana's son. Nana is Uncle Mazin's mommy."
"NO! Nana is YOUR mommy"
"Yes, that is right, but Nana is uncle Mazin's mommy too."
"NO! Uncle Mazin is Nana's Brother!"
"No, sweetheart, Uncle Mazin is MY brother. Uncle Mazin is Nana's son."

She totally didn't get it and was getting louder and louder as the conversation went on. So finally I had to explain it like this:

"I am your mommy right? I am Jasmine's mommy right? You are both my babies. So, Nana is my mommy, and Nana is Uncle Mazin's mommy too. Mommy and Uncle Mazin are both Nana's Babies."

"Ohh..okay...I hungry mommy...want snack."

Whether she really understood or not, I will never know. But its really fun to actually have conversations with her now. I can't wait until Jasmine can join in too. I am sure she has a whole bunch she is dying to get out!

Uncle Mazin is home!

So, I started to write this long post about my opinion on our President **cough cough lame duck** George Bush, but I started to feel a fire in my core that I could only imagine is extreme hatred and anger, and I was afraid I was going to spew out a bunch of stuff that would make this blog very negative. (And probably land me on an FBI investigation) so I decided to change my post.

UNCLE MAZIN IS HOME! He arrived from college on Saturday, and my girls are very happy. Jasmine has a new friend. She goes over and gives him hugs every couple of seconds, and yesterday when we were at dinner, she was giving him her food. What a sweetie.

I am kind of sad that Sarah and Jasmine (perhaps I should just call them S&J) only have one uncle. Mazin is my only sibling, and Todd is an only child. I think uncles and aunts are cool. All of mine were in Egypt so I never really got to spend a lot of time with them, but I have really fond memories of my time with them. They made me feel special. I got away with more than their kids. I guess its a right that all family members have. They get to spoil their grandchildren and nieces and nephews so that the parents can be the bad guy.

I have been thinking of my Uncle Said a lot recently. He passed away about 2 years ago from pancreatic cancer. He was so much fun. He worked for the UN and was also a rowing referee. It seemed like he had a million friends, and would always tell me stories about living in Sudan. He also lived in Calcutta for a while. Maybe it was because he spoke perfect English, but I was just drawn to him. Maybe it was because he didn't have any girls that he was drawn to me. But, I always felt special around him. And it makes me really sad to know that he never got to meet Todd or my girls. I wanted him to tell them the stories he had about the elephants that he told me when I was little.

Hopefully my brother can be that kind of uncle to his nieces. And may God grant him the privilege to meet their children.

The carnival and all its glory...

So, yeah... A Church in town, St. Peter's has a carnival every year for their Catholic school. I remember going when I was younger, and thinking it was the best thing since sliced bread. It was in town starting on Wednesday, and ending yesterday, but because I have school every night, and then it was pretty crappy weather, we didn't get to take the kids until yesterday.

I had to go over to my mom's house in the morning to help her get ready for the King's, um I mean, my brothers arrival home from college, so I told Miss Sarah and Jasmine "Mommy is going to go help Nana, but when you wake up from your nap, we are going to go someplace fun!" Sarah's response? "What kind place?" "It's a surprise Sarah!" "What kind surprise?"

Now, I must add I started this conversation 5 minutes before I left the house, and for that whole 5 minutes I must have heard "what kind surprise?" at least 30 times.

So, fast forward to the carnival. Yeah..what a let down. I mean, I don't know if it was because it was the last day and they just didn't care or what, but a lot of the rides weren't working and it was small and just not fun. Nothing like I remember from my youth. Of course, when I was younger I thought a lot of things were fun that I detest now, like movie theaters.

They got to ride a few rides, and then it started to drizzle. So, I told the girls that we were going to get something to eat, and then come back if it stopped raining to get dessert. We all agreed and then we left to go to Fuddruckers for a quick bite.

Carnival...Fuddruckers. By the way my children were acting you would have thought we brought them to the Opera and then out for liver and onions! The complaining was insane. I didn't understand it. If we stay home and do nothing they whine. If we take them out and do something fun, they whine. So, I can't win? What do I do to stop the whining?

Needless to say..they didn't get to go back to the carnival, and they didn't get dessert. Hopefully our next fun family outing will go a little better.

Polarity Therapy

I take classes at night to learn Massage Therapy. Its not as easy as it sounds. Every night from 7:15-10:45, I am in a class learning about various types of massage therapy, the anatomy and physiology of the body, and basic "spa" skills. This month's session is entitled "Sports Therapy," however this week we are learning about Polarity Therapy.

What is Polarity Therapy? Well, its a energy based health system based on teachings of Aryuvedic Principles. Okay, so apparently, in India, like millions of years ago they developed this way of looking at the body and explaining why people have pain or disease. So, we have energy in our body (positive and negative) and if flows up and down our body. When the energy is blocked, we have a pain, or discomfort. A therapist can transmit their energy to another person in order to relieve the block.

Yeah...thats what I said...transmit their energy to relieve the block.

Okay, so I guess I should have an open mind about this..but I just can't! It does not make any sense to me at all. We tried to feel each other's energy the other night. And I mean, scanning the body, without touching them, we were supposed to feel something. I didn't. I mean, I felt warmth by their face, obviously! My teacher Barbara said that warmth was energy. Can't it just be body heat? People had different experiences though. Many people felt twitching, or waves. I didn't feel any of that.

Perhaps its because I didn't believe it from the get go? Last night I tired to go in with an open mind, but again...nothing. Last night we had to place our hands on our partner who had a pain, and sit there and "imagine the flow of energy from our right hand to our left...giving them our energy to bring their energy flow in balance." Needless to say, my shoulder still hurt when I left that night.

I wonder what the energy feels on a toddler. It must be all over the place! I guess, what do you think? Do you believe in auras and energy fields? Am I being too cynical to actually open up to a fantastic feeling? Have you experienced anything like this before?

Sorry no children stories today...The girls were surprisingly boring yesterday!

Mom of the Year award goes to...

...me!

Yesterday, I was cooking dinner and letting my children run wild. I heard a strange noise coming from the bathroom. I went to see what was going on and first saw 2 rolls of toilet paper unrolled on the floor. If that wasn't bad enough, I then saw my youngest daughter, Jasmine, sticking her hand in the toilet, and then putting it in her mouth.

Is there anything else to say? I am definately never going to let her forget about the time she drank from the toilet. The only good thing to come from this situation is I have major blackmail material when she brings home her first boyfriend. Too bad I couldn't get a picture of it happening!

Another good thing came out of it. It motivated me to clean the bathroom today!

Going to the DMV with two children...isn't so much fun

So, I had to get my car inspected today. Well, it didn't have to be today, but I needed to get it done by the end of the month, and since Sarah decided to kill our walk idea by acting out (if you don't stop we won't go for a walk...i am serious..no walk...one...two...three! FINE NO WALK!) i decided it was better to go today. Since she was already in trouble, she would know what real punishment is.

We got our stuff together and headed to the Wayne DMV. It surprisingly wasn't busy at all. Before the inspection though I had to go in and renew my registration. Can you please tell me why it costs me 71 bucks to register my car! That is absurd, but I digress...

We were told to stand in line 3. There were three people in front of us. Not bad. Considering this is the WAYNE DMV. I had Jasmine in an umbrella stroller and Sarah was walking with me. I would have taken the double stroller, but it was way too bulky and I know I would have been running over people's feet and stuff. We had a deal...if you let mommy do this car stuff without making me crazy (and yes that is how i put it) then we will go to Dunkin Donuts after. Yeah, the deal was broken within two minutes of standing in line.

Between growling like an animal, running into two people also standing in line, and talking so loud people in the next county could hear, I was beyond mortified. And this was just waiting to renew our registration! During the inspection, i had two of them loose because we had to get out of the car super quick. I started calm, and ended up looking like a crazy person at the end, hissing through gritted teeth NO DUNKIN DONUTS...YOU GUYS ARE ACTING SO NAUGHTY!

Then, Sarah started to cry. I know that she was crying because I said no dunkin donuts, but this woman looked at me like I was the worst mother in the world because I wouldn't comfort her. Excuse me, this child has gotten on my last possible nerve! She was doing things on purpose to push my buttons, and she is now complaining about not getting what she wants. I was going to deck that stupid &^%$*. Instead I stared back at her until she had to avert her gaze...

Driving home...fuming...the kids were finally quiet. I guess they knew mommy wasn't having it. then I heard a little voice come from the back..."what?" I snapped..really not wanted to hear another demand from the 2 year old. Instead of a demand I heard "mommy sorry i naughty"

Awww...I wanted to snatch her up and squeeze her, which probably wouldn't have been a good thing to do, considering I was on Rt. 80. Instead, I told her it was okay, that she needs to listen to me when I talk, that she can't act like that out in public, etc, etc.

what a great kid I have...apologizing for acting..."MOMMY WE GO TO DUNKIN DONUTS NOW!"

That little...she knows what to do to get what she wants. Too bad I was like that when I was younger too..so I know the games. Needless to say there was no iced coffee in my system today. But at the end of a rough morning, I still had something to smile about...

...oh and I passed the inspection too!

A child's obsession with boobs...

I start my blog with a first post about a toddler's obsession with breasts. My daughter, Sarah, is 2 and a half, and is totally obsessed with boobs, mine in particular. I find her staring at mine all the time, and trying to touch them or grab them.

This is quite annoying, especially when we are in public. Take our last outing to ShopRite. We were wating in the bakery section, and I was looking at the case full of yummy deserts. When I feel a hand on my chest. Yes, my daughter was feeling me up in front of everyone at ShopRite. I quickly pushed her hand away and looked around to see who saw. I couldn't see anyone staring at me, so I figured we were in the clear.

I went into my speech again for the 1,000th time..."Sarah we don't touch mommy there. That is mommy's private spot. You can't touch people there, it is not nice."

To answer that speech, Sarah responded like she has done for the 1000th time..."I no have those" as she proceeded to pull her shirt up so I can view her bare chest. It was then I heard a couple of snickers..so I know people were watching the exchange. Embarrassed I put her shirt down and distracted her with chocolate goodness I had no intention of buying for her. Yes, I gave my daughter a Toddlers version of hush money, cookies.

Freud said that this stage in a person's life is the "anal stage." We are learning to use the toilet and we are very curious about all things about our body. I get it, she is learning...but seriously, do I have to get sexually assaulted every time my 2 year old comes around? And I really don't want her worrying about her chest now. Can't I have a break...I am going to have to deal with that enough once puberty hits!

Everyday is a new adventure!